Should we care about what other people think?
Writing in here to write away my feelings.
This is also a reflection on what I’m learning about myself as my friend, Hannah, is helping me understand who I am, using all the most creative designerly ways, to help me figure out what my next career steps should be.
One emerging theme is that I am incredibly attuned to and influenced by what people think about me, while at the same time wrestling to find a way to make my own independent and often unique life choices.
I recently spent time with two friends visiting me in Cape Town. One friend is very mindful of how I feel and how she feels, and how she perceives I feel. Lots of feelings. Very sensitive to the world around her. The other friend (whom I know less well) makes his own choices, regardless of what others might feel about it. I know there’s probably some personality test categorization that could break this down better.
Basically, my one friend would go and do something she’s only mildly interested in if it’s something I am excited to do, knowing that accompanying me is meaningful. The other would not join in, no matter how I feel about it, if he’s not interested, since he just wouldn’t have a good time anyway.
I don’t think if one is better than the other. But, we had a chat over dinner about these things, like “Does it matter what people think? Should we care? Is it unhelpful to try to appeal to other people? We can’t control what they think!”
Our conclusion was this: We shouldn’t care about what people think, but we should care about people.
It’s a fine line to balance on and something I find it so difficult to do. I end up doing everything on all sides and it’s emotionally taxing.
Is it possible to not care what someone thinks, while at the same time caring about them?
When I feel like someone I care about perceives me negatively, I am tempted to pull back from caring. However, is caring really true caring if it’s only done with expectations of being reciprocated?
I think in Christian love, we aren’t supposed to give without those expectations. But it’s hard.
Perhaps I have to reflect on what I am getting out of caring about what this person thinks. What am I allowing this person to define about me?
As a Christian, I know my identity and worth don’t come from other people, but from God, who treasures me and loves me so much he sacrificed his son for me.
I feel like I’m therapizing myself…
As my thoughts continue, I am taken back to the same thing I have to remind myself every time I begin to feel the emotional rollercoaster of thinking I am unliked or unloved.
I won’t be fulfilled by centering me me me - by focusing on what others can do for me and never having my expectations satisfied. Instead, how can I make someone else feel loved and cared for today?
Writing Challenge #6 of 100